So in this conversation yesterday with another WOJ (you remember, “wife of Japanese”) and our conversation ranged over the usual deep and wide subjects that you can talk about with someone who you instantly know will understand because of similiar circumstances…

And we discussed our husbands. I talked about how it took me two years of living near his family before I could separate out what bits of Naoto were “because he’s Japanese” from “because he’s a Suzuki.”

I mean, when you marry someone from the same country, you have tend to blame differences on family or personality differences, right? There’s a temptation with me, at least, to blame differences on Japan rather than Naoto.

It’s convenient for him, as well, to say “we do it in Japan this way” while really he should be saying “we do it in the Suzuki family this way” and vice versa for me and the US/Lincolns.

So in effect, intercultural/National marriages have three layers to parse:


Family upbringing


Is that why its so hard sometimes? Or would it be the same if I were married to a us national? hmmm…