So the long version is here on author Dawn Metcalf’s blog (and if you like dark YA fantasy with romance, check out her creeptastic hero Indelible Ink). She explains in detail about the three main variables that make up human sexuality/gender/etc.

Here is the short version:

  1. your equipment
  2. your gender identification
  3. your sexuality

Dawn is wise and pithy, and you should go read her explanation because it will keep you form inserting your foot in your mouth when you talk about these issues and it also gives you a good framework to discuss.

Because you know, what she says about how we define gender is true. If I go get a hysterectomy and my fallopian tubes removed…am I no longer a woman? Does not having the right “equipment”/”junk”  mean I shouldn’t be in the women’s room? (don’t get me started).

She talks about the danger of conflating any of those variables.